So I've recently become addicted with taking pictures of things that make me giggle while I'm out and about. This is an insight into my world.

Ok. The Wee Block. Initially it might get an awwwz from people, but just creepy. I tried not to make eye contact with it the entire time I was in Toys R Us.

Second. Sponge Bob Crabby Patties. I walked by this two times thinking it was Crabby Panties before I had to stop and read it phonetically. I think the makers did some subliminal stuff here. Kinda like the word sex being thrown into Aladdin that time. Love those guys for that, if I could shake their hands I would. Then immediately wash my hands.

Third. Moose Munch. I literally can't see the word Moose. Cracks me up. I think of all the funny words I can put after it, such as, Knuckle, Cock, and now Munch.

Fourth. Dwight Schrute booble head. Boss.

Fifth. Head Wipez. Anything with a "z" substituted for a "s" kills me. When it involves grown men wiping their headz, well I lose it.

Sixth. I'm not a perfect speller. In fact I think my mom still has my ninth place ribbon somewhere in her house from my failed spelling bee days. Hey I went to school in Queens cut me some slack. Greyvi? for mashed potatoes and GRAVY. No excuses.

Seventh. Lay it on thick. My first addition to why I shouldn't be around women's stores. I mean really?

Eighth. Sneak attacks. This little diddy I stumbled upon while reading a magazine at CVS. A book about girls and their bodies. This was tricky. You have to, HAVE TO, have a woman present when taking pictures of stuff like this. Security was looming and watching a grown man giggle with a book like this in his hand is probably cause. Anyway, mom's teach your daughters the old fashioned way. This is not something that should be done in comic book form. Plus, Sneak Attacks makes me think of an entirely different subject, well kinda.

Ninth.Cock Flavored Soup Mix. Need I say more.

Tenth. Due to my That's What She Said addiction whenever I go into Bed & Bath stores and I see products that say "Grin and Bare It", well it's just to easy. I might look like a creep standing next to women with my cell phone out taking pictures of the bottles, but hey that's another reason for me not to be brought into these stores. (See Lay It On Thick)

Eleventh. I get a referral to a dentist for the surgery I need done on my wisdom teeth. The man, Dr. Harry Sacks, um ya thanks. If your last name is Sacks, please don't name your son Harry. When he stuffs his parents and has taxidermy dinner's with them you can't really feel bad for them too much.

Twelfth. Asian Steamers. Now sure it looked delicious in the store, but do I really wanna eat something that if I were to type it into google would come back as a horrifying fetish for 10 pages before I got to a safe food to eat. I'll pass.

Thirteenth . A sign that was @ a NJ gas station. Serving myself illegal? Then I'm a repeat offender.

Let me start this first by saying the guy in the picture is John Anthony Frusciante, also known as the Red Hot Chili Peppers lead guitarist, also known as my slight man crush, but that's neither here nor there. The reason behind the picture is my latest topic. Rock Star or Super Star Athlete? To me the answer is obvious. Rock Star. However, when I was younger I thought being Joe Montana or Michael Jordan (even though I'm a 5 ft 9in kid Italian kid from Qns) was the coolest thing in the world. Who wouldn't want to be the best athlete amongst the world's best athlete? Sports was always what I loved doing. Shoot, I'd get home from school and run right to the park until the drug dealers came then I went with Plan #2 DJ. At least I'd have the street cred. Seriously though I even used to make girlfriends sit for hours in lawn chairs while I played handball for hours on end, leading me to cramp up and crucial moments later on in the night.



Years go by and the pendulum swung from sports to music. I realized no matter how you were born, 5ft 2 in- Prince, Ric Ocasek 6ft 4 in, Mama Cass 5ft (wide) you can do anything when it comes to music. I don't care how good you are it is rare to see a guy my size in basketball, unless your Spud Webb and well he sucked. Furthermore, rock star's can do anything and look cooler than they did if they did nothing. I'll elaborate. Michael Phelps got busted for taking a hit off a bong. Frosted Flakes dropped him like it's hot and honestly after seeing him on TMZ he acted like the next time he's in a pool is not to do laps but to drown himself in one. Jimmy Page, on the flip side, does lines off one fine lady's chesticles, while another is doing CPR on his midsection under a table in a restaurant. Question does Page get dropped from Frosted Flakes. Answer: he doesn't give a crap about Frosted Flakes. Stories like plus his guitar playing, now make him a legend to every kid that buys his first guitar.

Sports history there are few people that are immortalized through time. Babe Ruth comes to mind and I'm sure there is other s but I don't care because I'm siding with Rock Star on this one. People like Elvis, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain were so instrumental that they don't even seem real. If I saw Jeter walking down the block I'd want to take a picture, smell his finger..maybeeee get an autograph. If John F (see picture) walked down the block, I'd want to pick his brain for hours...and also smell his finger.

Which leads me to the next pro in a rock stars corner. Women. Sure Atheletes get their share of gorgeous women, but as Kobe B proved to Shaq, one slight mis hap and your ass is toast. Not to mention atheletes are big in most large cities throughout the world let's say. David Fricken Hasseloff get's German Tail out the cazoo, not because of his superb acting, but because of his hit records. Now. Can you imagine what the Beatles got? These guys got more butt than ashtrays.

Lastly, these rock stars deserve a little piece of what we got in our lifes. Ever win a girl over by playing catch with her? "Hey, I was thinking maybe we can grab some food and I got two hockey sticks maybe we can flick the puck around?" ...RIiiiiight ..but you could be hearing this if you played an instrument. Case in point. "That's my fav song. You can play that on the guitar? Ok where should I put my toothbrush?"

That's What She Said,

Mikey Love

So I watched the Grammy's last night thinking maybe music could slowly turn it around. Luckily, I have an amazing mnemonic device by which I have now memorized all the performer's/slash award winners. Pregnant lady, midget, sgt. pepper wanna be, Domestic Violence, and black guy. Hopefully, that reference (The Office Lecture episode) will help guide you threw my complete distaste for what happened this year.
I listened and watched numerous commercials that drew me in to watching this year's Grammy's. Rare talent's nowadays like Radiohead, Kings of Leon, Coldplay, Miley Cyrus, wait thats just a young girl that might be too young for me to be punching the clown to, were supposed to be performing on the grand stage. Then the show began. Whitney Houston give s the opening award and all I think is WHY ARE THEY STILL TRYING TO REJUVENATE THIS WOMAN's CAREER? The best thing that could have happened to her is Bobby Brown. At least they can go dutch on the junk. Jennifer Hudson had three family members die and still held up better than her. Take your raccoon tail of a wig and beat it "Candy Girl" (New Edition reference Double pts).
Then as if my ears had deceived me they announced Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Bros and all I thought to myself was, "I know Stevie's blind, but he's not deaf". Awful shame on you Stevie, just for that I hope no one told you the show was over at the end, causing you to probably still be playing right this second.
Coldplay ooo my beloved Coldplay. You came out the box in your adorable outfits, which I said was a bad Sgt. Peppers rip off and luckily they acknowledged this, and sang Lost! with a piano version that I wanted for my IPizzle (IPOD ebonics cause that's where this story is going). Then, Jay Z. After I cleaned the yam from my t-shirt, I began to see the pattern that was constant throughout the awards. White R&B artist, and black rapper rhyming over the singer's song. Last time this worked was the mth of Neveruary. Stop. You don't have to prove your "down" to the audience by having a hip hop artist, of whom you'd call private security if he was walking by your house, come "lace da track". Now I grew up loving Hip Hop oddly enough, Djing having radio shows, never would the pioneers listen to this. The entire scene get's the Gas Face.
Radiohead.....I should have known it was bad when Gwenth Paltrow introduced ya. The same girl that wouldn't be in the same place as her husband had to introduce my fav band. Hopefully Chris Brown slapped her up afterwards too. Prodigy style. Ok, Sooo. Why wasn't the rest of the band up there? Jonny Greenwood one of the most underrated guitarists on the planet stood there and did a riff in the farrr background while Thom Yorke sounded like bad karaoke of himself over USC Drum's. Snore...Didn't get it. Could have picked a way better song. I remember The Red Hot Chili Peppers won two grammy's two years ago and what Debbie Gibson was to alot of guy's "now wive's" is what the Peppers are to me. If I could make sandwiches for them on tour I'd take a leave of absence in a blink of an eye. But, just like Radiohead they were passive and distant from what makes them great. I expect these bands to punch the audience in the stomach with their sound and they blow it.
M.I.A. single handed removed my fetish for pregnant women in one swifty, garbage performance. She was the sterotype to what every person struggling does not want to be sterotyped as. Not sure if that makes sense, but you get it.
Smokey Robinson did a tribute to the 4 tops, which had potential until Ne Yo or A Yo or A rod who gives a S@#t and Jamie Foxx, who was good as a comedian back when the Wayans Bros were bukkaking JLo, decided to sing with them. Robert Plant won best album of the year, but even he said it best, years ago I woulda been considered selling out. Jimmy Page called he says you suck and your gayer than Oscar.
The one constant throughout music to me remain's the Beatles. Paul McCartney went up on stage and rocked the balls of the joint. Dave Grohl, who is my generation and yours (unless your Miley mmmm) musical genius, went back behind the drums and was no hold's barred. Love Grohl, slight man crush.

So to sum it up. Where was Kings Of Leon? They might have had the best performance and they didn't even show up. Well, come to think of it, Me putting NSync on YouTube and doing a rendition Bye Bye Bye karoake while a Hip Hop performance was going on anddddd then ripping my shirt off while my gf loled her ass off. Well, that mighta been the best performance.

P.S. I even signed the shirt "To my greatest fan..All the Best..Mike Love"

Boom Roasted,

Mikey Love

Fact: SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. (Not referenced by Wikipedia or Webster's)

So to Deuce or not to deuce. That is the question. Everyone of us in our lifetimes has been in the awkward situation of having to "drop it like it's hot" in a toilet where others might as well be sitting next to us. Now, if one has to drop a "Bum Brownie" in a situation where there is only these two options. Shit pants or use thatparticular toilet, well we all know what the answer is. Shitting your pants is never fun**. HOWEVER, never should a man (or woman as I'm finding out is more common) use this toilet for a "recreational" brown dragon. If your body allots you the amount of time necessary to find the "safe haven" to lay a "misfart" then you skedaddle your ass over there. No one and I mean no one wants to be wallowing in your product. This especially goes for a situation where food might come into play. In this occasion I gotta say I lean towards that person shitting their pants. So the next time you decide to " back the big brown caddy out the garage" have a little courtesy for your fellow man or woman. "Colon cannonballs" while eternally funny, in real life situations, ya not so much.

**Shitting pants while not fun for you if it's your mess. HILARIOUS if it's someone else's.

For further research on the topic of PooP-Click Here

That's what she said,

Mikey Love

Sup Nudgiez...So I've hit a displeased point like never before. While sitting home, staring at my Xmas tree and wondering how long I can keep it for, the great TMZ broadcasts a story about 3 men suing Hooters. The reason: Equal Opportunity Employment. After breaking a few ornaments I jotted down some notes on the issue. First off, years ago I told friends about a male version of Hooters where women can go and enjoy themselves kinda like a Chippendales with salads. Now I still think it's a money maker waiting to happen, but in no way was the two meant to combine forces. It reminds me of couples that have joint Bachelor and Bachelorette parties, ya beat it. Our dad's never watched soap operas with our moms, and neither should men have to be served by other men in banana hammocks. The relation makes no sense, but it sounds good. Secondly, and I do believe Chris Rock said it best, "Nobody goes to Hooters for wings"(although they're delicious). Every once and a while a guy enjoys having a good looking girl with nice fun bags serving them their two fav things in life: bar food and beer. Not all guys, up until lately myself included, aren't into strip clubs and would rather watch a game with the guys, have a beer, even a burger and have a sexy chick drop in with some hand wipes for normal reasons. I do believe in the 80's some D Bag's sued stating that the position of Stewardess was gender specific and although losing, eventually won years later resulting in Flight Attendants...yawn. In conclusion, I hate these guys no if's, and's or but's about it and if they do win good for them maybe they can F up Maxim next too. Lord knows Kiki Vidis is losing her Tube8 battle to Tranny Surprises as each day goes by.

That's What She Said,
Mikey Love

Man Crush (as defined by Urban Dictionary) : When a straight man has a "crush" on another man, not sexual, but kind of idolizing him. It goes on to give an example, "Many straight men end up having man crushes on Johnny Depp (I don't blame them)".
Now in my personal life I have been down this road numerous times like when I used to go out clubbing with the boys I was "Mike the Gay Drunk" or when I won the 2nd place ribbon in a gay chicken competition or even when I used to daze out while watching Elvis' 68 comeback special. These examples I'd like to think are common amongst straight men. After all what woman doesn't enjoy a man who is comfortable with his sexuality. Shit my girl calls me and my friends gay all the time.
But, there is a line. Two guys can joke around with each other about how dreamy Arod is and I fully understand, when it gets weird is when it involves a man who IS accessible, not a TMZ product. Never and I mean never should a man say "I have a man crush on (add name)", when that person is a co worker or friend. Now I know we've all joked, but I need rules to this. No awkward silence, no statement like " No, dude I'm serious" immediately after. Trust me I've witnessed it and you can hear a pin drop. So remember man crushes, no biggie, just play your man cards right with this topic because it sure can get ugly fast. Now I have to run Netflix just sent me that new Matthew McConahey surfing movie.

That's What She Said,
Mikey Love

As the Nudge's Muse I'd immediately like to get into an important topic facing us with the upcoming new year rapidly approaching. The topic being blurred Asian Pornography. Let's face it, it's the pits. This lovely lady directly above us is Maria Ozawa. Many of us know her and appreciate her work literally 4 times a day (and if you don't well than your an idiot). But why the blurred shot one might say. Well I've been asking myself that since the minute I laid eyes on her on every one's fav family website Tube8, but that's an entirely different discussion all together and part of the reason I have limited time to write this.
So why show Maria in 3/4 of her glory? Why give us the TV without the remote? The Angry without the G? Just doesn't make sense. Worst off I have to see the Maria's (me and her are on a 1st name basis) on screen counter part's final product. Overall, what can be the rating system on such a movie. XXX umm no...Well I ll give it a rating S...for Stupid. Well I'm gonna boycott this non sense, wait there's a new upload. Hope it's not a tranny surprise and I'm not talking about the bill my mechanic gave me when my transmission blew.

That's what she said,
Mikey Love