I say, I say, I say. I've been hit with the bug. What bug that is? The local commercial bug. I've been researching local television commercials for the past three days and I have to say they are the funniest things out there.

Why? Cause the people in them are actually trying to be cool and funny and they wind up looking re-donculous. Here's our first installment. I thinks its one of the best ones out there.

Just like everyone else, I can't turn away from looking at a train wreck. And after the last couple of videos of Joaquin Phoenix coming out and his appearence on David Letterman, I'm taking the stance that the guy is officially out of control and something has to be done.


And that something is the total and complete documentation of this guys destruction right in front of us all- A shared experience to help us forget about the economy and the fact that we are all heading into the toilet in one way or another.

So the first place that we have to start is with the Letterman appearence. This is just out and out weird. I was listening to the E Channel's commentary on his appearence and they said "I smell Andy Kaufman." Are you friggin kidding me. You really think that this guy is faking this.




After this, you know that the next one has to be the rapping in Vegas video. This is all legit, he's supposedly having Puddle-Diddy produce for him, so you know it's gonna be good.

So Joaquin Phoenix might not be one voice inside his head away from crapping on
the red carpet at the Oscars. Damn. Turns out his "rap
career" could just be an elaborate ruse he cooked up with Casey Affleck,
according to Entertainment
Weekly:
Either Phoenix is perpetrating an elaborate Andy Kaufman-style
hoax (with an assist from his friend and brother-in-law Casey Affleck, who's
ostensibly shooting a documentary about his career transition), or he's truly
lost his marbles. The truth, it seems, is closer to the former. "He said,
'It's a put-on. I'm going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it,'" says one source
who recently worked with Phoenix.
Before everyone says "I told you so," I
should probably point out that was an overheard conversation between Joaquin and
a banana. They were married later that night and divorced/turned into a smoothie the next morning when Joaquin
realized it was the government trying to steal his toothpaste. Love is a cruel mistress.

The superficial

Let me start this first by saying the guy in the picture is John Anthony Frusciante, also known as the Red Hot Chili Peppers lead guitarist, also known as my slight man crush, but that's neither here nor there. The reason behind the picture is my latest topic. Rock Star or Super Star Athlete? To me the answer is obvious. Rock Star. However, when I was younger I thought being Joe Montana or Michael Jordan (even though I'm a 5 ft 9in kid Italian kid from Qns) was the coolest thing in the world. Who wouldn't want to be the best athlete amongst the world's best athlete? Sports was always what I loved doing. Shoot, I'd get home from school and run right to the park until the drug dealers came then I went with Plan #2 DJ. At least I'd have the street cred. Seriously though I even used to make girlfriends sit for hours in lawn chairs while I played handball for hours on end, leading me to cramp up and crucial moments later on in the night.



Years go by and the pendulum swung from sports to music. I realized no matter how you were born, 5ft 2 in- Prince, Ric Ocasek 6ft 4 in, Mama Cass 5ft (wide) you can do anything when it comes to music. I don't care how good you are it is rare to see a guy my size in basketball, unless your Spud Webb and well he sucked. Furthermore, rock star's can do anything and look cooler than they did if they did nothing. I'll elaborate. Michael Phelps got busted for taking a hit off a bong. Frosted Flakes dropped him like it's hot and honestly after seeing him on TMZ he acted like the next time he's in a pool is not to do laps but to drown himself in one. Jimmy Page, on the flip side, does lines off one fine lady's chesticles, while another is doing CPR on his midsection under a table in a restaurant. Question does Page get dropped from Frosted Flakes. Answer: he doesn't give a crap about Frosted Flakes. Stories like plus his guitar playing, now make him a legend to every kid that buys his first guitar.

Sports history there are few people that are immortalized through time. Babe Ruth comes to mind and I'm sure there is other s but I don't care because I'm siding with Rock Star on this one. People like Elvis, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain were so instrumental that they don't even seem real. If I saw Jeter walking down the block I'd want to take a picture, smell his finger..maybeeee get an autograph. If John F (see picture) walked down the block, I'd want to pick his brain for hours...and also smell his finger.

Which leads me to the next pro in a rock stars corner. Women. Sure Atheletes get their share of gorgeous women, but as Kobe B proved to Shaq, one slight mis hap and your ass is toast. Not to mention atheletes are big in most large cities throughout the world let's say. David Fricken Hasseloff get's German Tail out the cazoo, not because of his superb acting, but because of his hit records. Now. Can you imagine what the Beatles got? These guys got more butt than ashtrays.

Lastly, these rock stars deserve a little piece of what we got in our lifes. Ever win a girl over by playing catch with her? "Hey, I was thinking maybe we can grab some food and I got two hockey sticks maybe we can flick the puck around?" ...RIiiiiight ..but you could be hearing this if you played an instrument. Case in point. "That's my fav song. You can play that on the guitar? Ok where should I put my toothbrush?"

That's What She Said,

Mikey Love