So I watched the Grammy's last night thinking maybe music could slowly turn it around. Luckily, I have an amazing mnemonic device by which I have now memorized all the performer's/slash award winners. Pregnant lady, midget, sgt. pepper wanna be, Domestic Violence, and black guy. Hopefully, that reference (The Office Lecture episode) will help guide you threw my complete distaste for what happened this year.
I listened and watched numerous commercials that drew me in to watching this year's Grammy's. Rare talent's nowadays like Radiohead, Kings of Leon, Coldplay, Miley Cyrus, wait thats just a young girl that might be too young for me to be punching the clown to, were supposed to be performing on the grand stage. Then the show began. Whitney Houston give s the opening award and all I think is WHY ARE THEY STILL TRYING TO REJUVENATE THIS WOMAN's CAREER? The best thing that could have happened to her is Bobby Brown. At least they can go dutch on the junk. Jennifer Hudson had three family members die and still held up better than her. Take your raccoon tail of a wig and beat it "Candy Girl" (New Edition reference Double pts).
Then as if my ears had deceived me they announced Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Bros and all I thought to myself was, "I know Stevie's blind, but he's not deaf". Awful shame on you Stevie, just for that I hope no one told you the show was over at the end, causing you to probably still be playing right this second.
Coldplay ooo my beloved Coldplay. You came out the box in your adorable outfits, which I said was a bad Sgt. Peppers rip off and luckily they acknowledged this, and sang Lost! with a piano version that I wanted for my IPizzle (IPOD ebonics cause that's where this story is going). Then, Jay Z. After I cleaned the yam from my t-shirt, I began to see the pattern that was constant throughout the awards. White R&B artist, and black rapper rhyming over the singer's song. Last time this worked was the mth of Neveruary. Stop. You don't have to prove your "down" to the audience by having a hip hop artist, of whom you'd call private security if he was walking by your house, come "lace da track". Now I grew up loving Hip Hop oddly enough, Djing having radio shows, never would the pioneers listen to this. The entire scene get's the Gas Face.
Radiohead.....I should have known it was bad when Gwenth Paltrow introduced ya. The same girl that wouldn't be in the same place as her husband had to introduce my fav band. Hopefully Chris Brown slapped her up afterwards too. Prodigy style. Ok, Sooo. Why wasn't the rest of the band up there? Jonny Greenwood one of the most underrated guitarists on the planet stood there and did a riff in the farrr background while Thom Yorke sounded like bad karaoke of himself over USC Drum's. Snore...Didn't get it. Could have picked a way better song. I remember The Red Hot Chili Peppers won two grammy's two years ago and what Debbie Gibson was to alot of guy's "now wive's" is what the Peppers are to me. If I could make sandwiches for them on tour I'd take a leave of absence in a blink of an eye. But, just like Radiohead they were passive and distant from what makes them great. I expect these bands to punch the audience in the stomach with their sound and they blow it.
M.I.A. single handed removed my fetish for pregnant women in one swifty, garbage performance. She was the sterotype to what every person struggling does not want to be sterotyped as. Not sure if that makes sense, but you get it.
Smokey Robinson did a tribute to the 4 tops, which had potential until Ne Yo or A Yo or A rod who gives a S@#t and Jamie Foxx, who was good as a comedian back when the Wayans Bros were bukkaking JLo, decided to sing with them. Robert Plant won best album of the year, but even he said it best, years ago I woulda been considered selling out. Jimmy Page called he says you suck and your gayer than Oscar.
The one constant throughout music to me remain's the Beatles. Paul McCartney went up on stage and rocked the balls of the joint. Dave Grohl, who is my generation and yours (unless your Miley mmmm) musical genius, went back behind the drums and was no hold's barred. Love Grohl, slight man crush.

So to sum it up. Where was Kings Of Leon? They might have had the best performance and they didn't even show up. Well, come to think of it, Me putting NSync on YouTube and doing a rendition Bye Bye Bye karoake while a Hip Hop performance was going on anddddd then ripping my shirt off while my gf loled her ass off. Well, that mighta been the best performance.

P.S. I even signed the shirt "To my greatest fan..All the Best..Mike Love"

Boom Roasted,

Mikey Love